Giving Up & Anxiety
CAN I BE HONEST WITH YOU GUYS?
Yesterday, was the first time I truly felt like giving up. I wish I could say this is me being dramatic, but not only is entrepreneurship hard, IT'S LONELY, especially when times get tough. I began contemplating about what it would be like to completely drop everything, diving into a new craft after taking a 2-month break in a different place with no obligations to my business, to be creative, or to anything else.
CAN YOU BURN OUT AFTER ONLY TWO YEARS?
The events that led up to me signing off early and spending the rest of my day in silence with a blanket over my head were nothing I haven’t dealt with before. But because the stakes are higher with two very important clients, the lows hit harder. Even though I’m so excited to be working with two amazing brands, I realized that because of this, I’m even more impacted when something doesn’t go perfectly, all while knowing nothing will ever be perfect.
That combined with learning to be a leader to my team, a visionary for my business, and make the right investments, all while staying on top of adulting (I currently have an expired ID and finally turned in some tax information), IS OVERWHELMING.
All week I’ve been stuck in my own story of not being good enough, not knowing what the hell I’m doing, and not seeing results as fast as I want to see them when in all honesty, the things I want so badly, that I'm allowing to stress me out, are just to help me feel validated.
I am addicted to working because every moment not working feels like I’m prolonging my dreams when every single book I've read states that working harder doesn't equal more reward... working smarter does. Per usual, at the height of me spinning in my anxiety, I heard a sermon about having enough faith to rest and how I should be asking how can I be of service with my gifts opposed to how can I get what I want. There are so many things happening in the world that my "wants" seem minuscule to the larger picture, but I also know that if I'm not in my best state, I can't help anyone else.
To be honest, hearing that sermon gave me a quick “omg, yes!” moment but didn’t change my state. It just went in one ear and out the other. I also felt my body was warning me that I was on the road to an early burnout, which would be even worse.
Instead of turning to my usual quick-fixes that distract me from stressful situations (getting a thai massage, eating comfort food and Netflixing, & having too much wine ...but, don’t be fooled, I definitely had some wine), I decided that I was going to accept this current state. And by accept, I mean acknowledge that it’s here and I’m going to move in it by not letting it paralyze me. This meant choosing to step back to observe the many negative thoughts running through my head, giving them less power.
What became apparent with reaching a new level in my business was that these feelings wouldn’t go away with a bigger team, a million dollars, or being on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list. The answer was in how I deal with them when they show up unexpectedly.
With that said, this isn’t a post about how I overcame anxiety and won't get overwhelmed again. It's about choosing how I'm going to move forward in spite of these things… since catching a one-way to Italy isn't feasible today.